


Breath

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: College, Intimacy, Love, M/M, Sexuality, lost opportunities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:12:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck/Bryce set in college, with brief reference to later canon events through Season 2.  </p><p>Chuck is straight but he's in love with Bryce anyway.</p><p>For this prompt: "they're in love with one another although one or both of them isn't attracted to the other's gender" from comment-fic on lj</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breath

It happened in the in-between spaces: the minutes before breakfast when they dressed and shaved, the quick handoff of a bag of snacks before rushing off to be inevitably late to class. It happened on late, sleep-deprived nights, when secrets would spill out of Bryce’s lips, truths and fears and memories. Usually it was things that most people wouldn’t keep secret (and a few things, things Chuck hated, that would), but Bruce guarded every part of himself, every true thought, except around Chuck, except when they leaned into each other on the threadbare couch shoved in the corner of their dorm room, whispering as if their pasts, their thoughts, their pain were some kind of esoterica, dangerous to know, meant only for a circle of two. 

Chuck loved him. It was the first and only time he had ever been in love with a man. 

Probably because he couldn’t be attracted to men. And Chuck knew that if he weren’t attractive to Bryce, Bryce who was prettier than most girls and whom Chuck _loved_ , then it wouldn’t ever happen with any guy.

This was the one secret he could never share with Bryce. He was pretty sure Bryce knew, though. 

They would sleep together almost every night, cling to each other, really, Bryce's breath hot and soothing on Chuck's neck as one or both of them slept restlessly. 

Sometimes they would have sex, comforting kisses, hands gliding smooth across chests and hair and thighs. Chuck would move inside of him, carefully, trying to savor the closeness of it, the tightness, the look of ecstasy on Bryce’s face, a distortion of perfection as Bryce bit down on his own lip to keep from moaning.

They would do it, and it was good. But they never did it too often, and Bryce never pressured him for more. 

Later, when Chuck lost almost everything, he started to wonder if it was his own fault, for holding back a secret that Bryce had a right to know. Love without lust was good enough for Chuck, but that didn't mean it was good enough for Bryce. Chuck wondered if maybe Bryce just decided that Chuck’s problem, Chuck's lack, was a betrayal, and destroying him was just revenge. 

Later still, when Chuck knew the truth, it should have changed everything. But now he knew that Bryce had been a spy, that his internship was actually ops and assassinations. He knew that even Bryce’s secrets hadn’t really been Bryce’s secrets.

But even then, Chuck still wondered if he could have done something differently. If maybe loving Bryce was lying to Bryce -- or just lying to himself. If maybe Chuck had been willing to break both their hearts on a bad idea so he wouldn't have to give up the feel of Bryce's slow, even breaths on his skin as he slept.

Chuck didn’t want to think so. He couldn’t; Chuck had spent the last decade trying not to let memories of Bryce pry into his heart like a screwdriver. He had to think that after finding out the truth about Bryce, _finally_ , he could remember what they had as real.

Whatever else Chuck had been pretending, his love was real. This, Chuck knew.

The knowledge is a comfort until Chuck loses Bryce again.

When Bryce is gone for good, the doubts start to overwhelm him again. Chuck wonders if it was all his fault, if this should have been one of their night-bare confessions, one of the truths spilled out recklessly like blowing out a candle. _I don't want your body, but I still want you_

Chuck wonders what would have been different if he could have said this aloud: Would it have kept them together or driven them apart?

Then he wonders if either of the two could have saved them. He wonders if maybe there was nothing that could.


End file.
